Have you ever missed somebody? I have.
All of us would have experienced the dreadful feeling of missing someone at some point; whether it’s a family member, friend or even our significant other. When that happens, your head will be filled full of what-if scenarios. What would they say? What would they do? Is he/she missing you too?
So we would try to distract ourselves. We would keep ourselves busy with work, family or friends. Anything to stop our brain from thinking about him/her. But the second our brain wanders, it will start thinking about him/her again.
And we would be overcome by the desire to see, hear and feel that person even if it is just for one more second. But we can’t, and that makes it hurt even more. For some of us, this pain that we feel will not go away so easily.
Missing someone could be permanent. When the soul leaves the body, all that is left behind is a cold corpse; inanimate and devoid of life. It’s hard to accept at the beginning. It is so easy to fall into despair and wallow in sadness. It’s as if a part of our heart was gouged out; leaving me incomplete and in deep pain.
But slowly and surely, we would adapt to life without that person. It’s as if we have learnt how to live without that person. That is, until one day, when we are sitting somewhere alone, and we start to reminisce the days we spent together. Then, although we have learnt to cope with the pain, we will never truly be complete again.
And so we think that ‘I would give anything, just to have that person back. To tell that person that I’m sorry. I could have and should have done so much more for you when you were here.’ But those days are gone. Like clockwork, time stops for no one, only ever moving forward.
Missing someone could also be temporary. When someone leaves for a while, for whatever reason, you are forced to hold in your tears, say goodbye and start a mental countdown till the day of their return. It’s not as bad because it is not permanent, but the longing is still there.
For me, it started as Day One without him. I remember that I kept looking at my calendar and telling myself that the day will never come. If there really is a Timekeeper, I would go all Katniss Everdeen on him; pushing him against a wall, grabbing his collar and threatening him to speed back up time because it seems like time has slowed since he went away.
It’s not the first time that he went away on vacation, but it’s the first time that I am unable to reach him at all. No routine Facebook chat popping up, no texts, no calls. Because he is not within cell range and has no internet access, he has to pay a roaming charge of RM1 for every text sent. So all I get is one measly text a day, asking whether I’m doing okay. And there is no way that I can reply him that I’m not okay; that I’m missing him so much.
Missing him takes all most of my thoughts. In fact, it is all I can think about. Even when I am sitting in front of the tv, I am more engrossed in missing him than watching tv. If anyone were to ask me what I am watching, I would have no idea. All I know is that there is something moving on the tv screen and there is some sound coming out, but I have no idea what is actually happening.
Sorry people for suddenly posting an emotional post but the point is, missing someone sucks!
If you are missing someone, or you know someone is missing you, make an effort and talk to them. Do it. Before it becomes permanent.
Here's a hug for everyone that understands how it feels. Take care~
